


Bittersweet

by pulchramors



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Birthday, Child Abuse, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mother-Son Relationship, Sae is mentioned because I love her and she def has a soft spot for pancake boy, a bit but it's kind of a sad fic, me writing this through tears: happy birthday pancake, will ever stop making akechi suffer? eh probably not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pulchramors/pseuds/pulchramors
Summary: Akechi's 18th, 7th and 8th birthday.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there are mistakes! I'm not a native English speaker! If you wanna read this "spoiler-free" skip the tw bellow because it references what is happening it the fic.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: I'm not sure about the child abuse tag, there isn't anything -extremely- severe (Akechi's mom is lashing out on him basically, but it is both physical -arm gripping, hair pulling and shoving to the ground- and emotional - she says some pretty bad stuff and it is kinda implied this is a thing that isn't a one-time incident) so just keep that in mind. It's also implied to be caused by mental illness rather than malice or cruelty and there's genuine guilt afterward, so keep that in mind as well. If you aren't sure and still want to kinda read it, there is some very very mild at the beginning of the "flashback" but the worst stuff comes specifically after Akechi's mom pulls back his bangs, so just stop reading there if you feel like it would be overwhelming or something. Oh there's also smoking and implied alcohol consumption (mentions of empty bottles, no one's drunk). 
> 
> There's some hinting at ADD Akechi, because I like that headcon and you can pry it out my dead, cold hands
> 
> If you think any tags are missing let me know! Enjoy reading!

Akechi woke up _way too early,_ hair sticking to his forehead, breathing heavily. That wasn't really unusual. What was unusual was the uneasy feeling to his chest. He turned his head towards the window - _he always forgot to close the blinds and it has gotten to the point it felt weird to sleep with them closed, somehow._ It was already summer, but it was still dark out and that meant he had at least a couple of hours before his alarm went off. He turned to his side, trying to fall back asleep, huffing in annoyance when he found he couldn't. He _had_ trouble sleeping _for years_ , but this was starting to get _ridiculous_. Not to mention annoying - he had a full schedule today and he couldn't even ditch class to sleep in the nurse's office for a few hours because he had to be in some stupid fucking meeting that he was sure would just drag out _forever_ and could have just been an email. 

He yawned, patting down blindly in the half-light from the light pollution outside his window, searching for his phone. His face scrunched up from the brightness of the screen and it took him a few slow blinks to adjust.

It _hardly_ was 4 am, _why the hell was he_ \- 

_Oh_.

It was his birthday.

Akechi took a deep breath, putting his phone down and pressed his face against his pillow. Then he started _laughing_ for almost a whole minute.

He was 18. Officially an adult.

Somehow it didn't feel any different. He guessed there was no reason to feel different - he had practically been an adult for years now. This was just a technicality. 

He never liked his birthday.

Well, no, that was a lie. He could _vaguely_ remember birthdays from when he was a kid that wasn't so bad, but they were so long ago, he couldn't exactly remember them clearly. He could remember spending the day with his mother. But of course, the one birthday he could remember spending with her was probably the worst one - because apparently his brain was an _uncooperative little fuck_ and at that point, he was almost sure that if it worked like a _fucking normal person's_ did and _didn't_ try to _fuck him over_ it meant he would _straight up die._

He got up with a sigh, ignoring the wetness in his eyes. There was no way he was getting back to sleep now. He was just glad his " _adoring little fanbase"_ didn't know about his birthday - he was sure he wouldn't be able to resist telling people off if some well-meaning, but ultimately _stupid_ fangirl tried to win him over with chocolates or some shit like that.

He briefly wondered if he could guilt Sae-san into buying him sushi today, his mood instantly improving a bit. It was fun, watching her playing the tough prosecutor when she was a big softie most of the time.

Maybe today would be tolerable at the very least.

* * *

Akechi had just turned seven, humming as he arrived in the old apartment building, coming home after school. It was a bit childish to think that way - and he liked to think he was much more mature than his classmates, they were all idiots anyway and he was much better off not playing with them, even if he was tired of sitting alone every day- but today was his birthday and he was excited. He had bearly seen his mom the last week, which wasn't that unusual with her working nights, waking up way before her to walk to school and sending him off when she was actually home during the day to see her "clients", but today _had_ to be different - He was sick of eating cold leftovers or instant noodles alone. He smiled, unlocking the apartment door and quickly taking off his shoes.

His mom was sleeping, completely covered under a light blanket -she always got cold easily. He wasn't supposed to wake her up if she was sleeping unless it was an emergency but...Today was an exception, right? He climbed on the bed with her, shaking her lightly. 

"Mom? Wake up-" there was just a bit of worry in his voice when she didn't respond immediately. There were empty beer bottles scattered around the floor and a -way too full- ashtray balancing on the edge of the bedside table, contents about to spill all over the floor and bedsheets. Another nudge and the blanket lump eventually moved, a woman with long brown hair and eyes matching his, but hers were red and puffy as if she had fallen asleep crying emerged, rubbing her neck that was littered with small bruises. 

"Why the fuck did you wake me up? Haven't I told you not to-" She sighed and sat up.

"Sorry." Akechi mumbled. She forced a tired smile and patted his head softly. 

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine, welcome home or whatever." she yawned, laying back down.

"Mom-"

"Goro, just let mommy sleep, okay?"

"But Mom, today's-" The woman sighed.

"Look, there's food in the fridge right?" Akechi nodded yes and she closed her eyes, rubbing her face with her palms. "Then what more could you _possibly_ want from me?" Akechi backed away slightly, pouting. 

"...I don't like you when you're like that." Akechi mumbled under his breath. Her eyes snapped open. 

_"What did you just say?_ " Akechi looked away and she exhaled angrily. " _That's_ what I thought. Don't you _dare_ criticize me you _worthless little bas-_ " she sighed, pulling the blanket over her head. "Just go do your homework or something." she felt the weight shift on the mattress, followed by some soft sniffling sounds. " _And be quiet."_

* * *

Even if the days were already longer, the sun was slowly starting to set when Akechi's mother woke up again, getting up slowly. She found him sitting in front of the old TV, volume almost down to mute, hugging his knees. She sat down next to him, ruffling his hair, an apologetic smile on her face.

"Don't sit that close to the TV." 

"I didn't want to wake you up again." Akechi mumbled and she noticed his eyes were a little red. She but her lip and pulled him into a hug.

"Oh, honey - Mommy's just... Tired." Akechi didn't answer, hugging her back tightly. "You know I - I don't really mean-" she took a shaky breath, getting chocked up.

"I know. I'm sorry. You told me not to wake you up and I did. I just wanted to spend some time with you..." She smiled and pulled back a little, giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head.

"Is that so?" Akechi nodded yes and she hummed. "Alright. It's still light out, how about we go to the store to get something nice to make for dinner and you can tell me all about your day in school while we eat?" Akechi smiled excitedly, hugging her again. 

* * *

They were in line to pay when she noticed him looking at the cheap, knock-off toys by the register. She smiled, squeezing his hand softly.

"You've been staring at that for a while." Akechi almost jumped up and she giggled softly.

"N-No, I wasn't. I was just...Thinking."

"Hmmm...So you don't want one?"

"It's fine. I don't need pointless things like that." That's what he said, but he was clearly pouting. It was adorable.

"Well, I didn't ask if you _need_ it, I asked if _wanted_ it." Akechi's face lit up slightly. "And besides - it's your birthday today, isn't it?" 

* * *

"Don't wave that thing around so much - you're going to break it." She sighed, sitting on the floor in front of the open window, blowing the smoke of her cigarette outside, feeling the -somewhat- cool summer breeze.

"Fine." Akechi put down the toy with a small pout and she laughed.

"Seriously, where do you even get the energy to move around so much? Right after eating too..." She shook her head, putting the cigarette out on the windowsill, laying down on the floor, opening her arms and gesturing him to come here and he quickly laid next to her, making a face as she pulled him into a hug.

"You stink." he pushed her away playfully. She laughed and pinched his cheek.

"Hey! Don't be a brat!"

"Teacher said smoking is bad for you." She hummed.

"Well, your teacher's a bitch."

"Mom!" 

"What? I'm an adult, I can say whatever I want. You on the other hand -" Akechi stuck his tongue out and she ruffled his hair. "Don't tell her I said that though, alright?" Akechi nodded. 

"It's fine. I don't like her either."

"Really? Why?"

"Her class is _so boring!_ " she laughed. 

"All teachers are boring and _besides_ you find _everything_ boring. That's no reason to not like her." Akechi stayed silent for a moment before pressing his face into her.

"She treats me like an idiot because I'm not paying attention." She sighed, pulling him back to look at his face.

"And _why_ aren't you paying attention in school?" 

" _It's not my fault!_ The other kids are _idiots_!"

"Don't talk about the other kids like-"

" _But it's true!_ We're doing multiplication tables this week and everyone is stuck on 7, but I know them all already! And _even_ if I do all my work and just look out the window until everyone else is finished, she yells at me for zoning out. It's not fair!" she run her fingers through his hair.

"That settles it. I was right. She _is_ a bitch. But you still can't tell her that okay?"

"It's still unfair." he whispered and she pulled back at that

" I know honey. Life isn't really fair." she pushed his bangs back, kissing his forehead. She stared at him for a moment after, still holding it back. "You look so much like me... Especially with your hair out of your face like that..." she teared up and took a sharp breath. She put her hands on his arms, gripping tightly.

"Mom?" Akechi froze as she sat up, pulling him with her, nails digging into his skin, staring at him blankly. 

" _Goro_." Her voice was suddenly cold.

"Y-Yes?"

"This world is _fucking rotten_. Especially for people like _us_. Don't be like me. You need to be a _ruthless_ _monster_ like your father. _Do you understand?"_

"I don't want to be a-" She pressed harder and Akechi winced, tears forming his eyes.

"I don't give a _shit_ what _you_ want. _The world doesn't give a shit!_ You have to be a _cruel_ _bastard_ and work twice as hard if you even want to have a _chance_ of making it alive. _Do you understand?"_

"L-Let go, it _hurts_ -" she let go for a second and Akechi closed his eyes, exhaling in relief before she grabbed him by his hair and slammed his face to the ground. He yelped and barely had time to put his arms in front of his face, now fully crying as she held him down.

"You _can_ do it, right honey? If you're going to look like me you must have gotten _something_ from that _piece of garbage_."

" -'m sorry - I "

 _"I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE SORRY!_ I want _you_ to _destroy_ _everything_ that stands in your way like _that man_ _destroyed_ my fucking life. I don't care how low you have to go, what it takes, _you're going to make it and show that motherfucker -_ " she took a deep breath. "Do you understand?" When he didn't reply she pulled him up again by his hair, grabbing his face with her other hand and making him look at her as he cried. " _Goro_. I asked you a question _. Do you understand?_ " He nodded as much as the grip would allow.

" _Ye-Yes_! I underst-I understand, _pl-please stop-_ "

She let him fall to the floor and for a few minutes, there was almost silence, only some muffled crying coming from Akechi as he slowly scrambled back, not getting up. His mother was staring blankly ahead, panting slightly and when they accidentally made eye contact for a brief second she seemed to snap out of it and realize what she had done, hands trembling. She started crying and pulled him into a hug again, fanatically trying to wipe his tears, pressing soft kisses to his head.

"I-I'm so sorry honey, it's okay, it's okay, I'm-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-Mommy loves you so,so much, you - you know she does, right?" 

Akechi didn't answer.

* * *

Akechi was sitting at the bottom of an old bunk bed, hugging his knees and staring blankly out of the window. He hated how the windows in the orphanage had bars -for safety reasons, but it just made the whole place more depressing than it already was. The worn yellow curtains didn't really help lighten the mood of the crammed room either. 

He didn't react when a woman came in, just looked away from her when she crouched next to him so she would be at eye level. She sighed. 

"Akechi...How long are you going to keep this up?" He didn't reply. "You didn't go to school today either." she let a packet of homework next to him. She waited a moment before going on. "You barely talk, we practically have to _force_ you to eat, shower, or go to school - and you can't even manage to do two of those on most days." She tried putting a hand on his shoulder, but he shook it off, giving her a glare. She sighed again and pressed the bridge of her nose. "I know this is hard for you-" he bit the inside of his cheek "but it's almost been a month already! Not everyone is going to be as understanding of your... _situation_. You need to realize that. _No one_ likes gloomy kids. Don't you want to get adopted?"

"...I want my mom." he said in almost a whisper. The woman huffed, starting to get annoyed. 

"Your mom is dead. You're old enough to understand that." He looked away again. "Akechi - Do you know what day is it today?" She waited a while before asking again and Akechi just shrugged his shoulders, still looking away. 

"It's June 2nd. It's your birthday." He tensed up. "Come on, you're eight already. Wouldn't your mom want you to be a big boy and move on already?" He turned his head to her. 

"What would my mom want?" the woman smiled and nodded. 

"Yes! Wouldn't she want you to be happy?" Akechi took a deep breath and let his hands fall to his side. He closed his eyes, not paying attention to what the woman said, feeling his hands trembling slightly. What would his mom want, huh? He opened them again, staring at her for a second, watching her mouth open and close.

**_And punched her right in the face._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, the first draft was sadder  
> Sorry (•́︿•̀)
> 
> Thanks for reading!! Hope you like it! Feel free to leave a comment! (´͈꒳`͈)


End file.
